So it’s gonna be like this, is it?
This Unsplash image is an actual photo of how I feel.
Soon I will be 51, and I’d like to let you know that there are some things about this aging business that were not in the brochure. Hitting the half-century mark was an eye-opener, but now that I’m a year into my 50s, there’s so much more I’ve discovered. And it’s not at all good. I’ll just jump right in:
1) The need for compression socks. No one ever told me that one day my legs would ache so badly just from being alive that I would be wobbling around like a drunkard by the end of the day. Compression socks and lots of Bayer Back and Body seem to be the miracles that allow me to walk like a normal person.
2) Hating the skin I’m in. I remember back when we had satellite TV, and I’d scroll through the guide. Sometimes I’d come across the title of an infomercial about “crepey skin,” and I’d be like, what in the world is crepey skin? I think I know now. Not only is it becoming thinner and more wrinkled, but there are the dreaded age spots, mystery bumps, and weird hair things. I’m taking collagen and using serums and body butters and I don’t know what all, in hopes of staving off the monstrous things aging brings to skin.
3) Old-people talk. It’s a common joke that once people get old, their conversations are always about their health issues or doctor appointments or surgeries. But it certainly was not funny to me when I realized recently that a large portion of my conversations with people have included statements like the following:
What do you do for lower back pain?
Ugghh, my hips hurt.
You should get some orthopedic inserts for your shoes.
When are you getting that acupuncture for your neck?
I need some more compression socks.
4) Going blind at night. I seriously cannot see at night, making night driving a great adventure for the daredevils riding with me. Even with my glasses on, I can hardly see the road, and the lights of oncoming cars make it worse. I may as well just close my eyes and pray that Jesus takes the wheel.
5) My kitchen is basically a pharmacy. Soon I’ll be one of those ladies carrying around the little containers with the days of the week on them to organize all my medications and vitamins. It’s ridiculous. I have the CVS app to manage my prescriptions, and a cabinet full of gummy vitamins of all kinds.
6) Vertigo. One day you’re young and hollering yourself hoarse on roller coasters, and then suddenly you try to show your child how to do a somersault, and you nearly pass out from dizziness. These days, it doesn’t take much to trigger a bout of vertigo. Like turning from my left side to my right side in bed.
I’m sure I will discover more lovely surprises, as things seem to change on the daily now. I can only pray that sudden weight loss is an aging side effect. Check on your older friends, friends. They are not well.