What Should I Do for My Midlife Crisis?

I had a dream that it was the day at school where we got to choose our instruments, and I was thinking about choosing either French horn or drums. There was also going to be a choice of applesauce or pudding, and I was really looking forward to some pudding. But then, when we arrived at the band hall, I was disappointed to learn that all of this was just for the students, and since I was a teacher, I could not choose an instrument and I could not have any pudding.

I think this dream was my subconscious telling me it wants to relive my younger years, and perhaps this is the beginning of my midlife crisis. This could explain why I’m feeling antsy at work, or why I’ve been texting Uranus jokes to my sons.

So I’ve had two thoughts about this new phase in life, this midlife crisis. The first is that I couldn’t be in a better profession for it. I mean, look, as a teacher of young children, I get to play and act like a kid every day (to a certain extent, that is). Imagine if I were an accountant, or a mortician, or a preacher. Could I tell Uranus jokes or express my inner child then?

The second thought is, well, what should I do about it? Don’t men go out and buy a sports car or a boat during their midlife crisis? What do women do? I can’t afford a new car or a boat right now, so I’ve come up with some other options, and I need you to vote on one. The poll is a Google Form, so I think you have to be signed into Google to see it?